I learned many years ago while attending Bill Gothard’s Basic Life Principles Seminar that an apology beginning with an “if” is no apology at all. Saying, “I’m sorry if I offended …” is not accepting my responsibility; it only opens the wound. When there is clear offence, prefacing the apology with an “if” implies that the speaker is not really sorry about what was done. The speaker is only sorry that their action offended.
Our culture has made the conditional apology the norm. Last night a U.S. Senator illustrated that fact. Dick Durbin (D-Illinois) conditionally apologized for his remarks comparing actions of U.S. soldiers guarding prisoners at Guantanamo to Nazis, Stalinist, and communist gulags. Note the “if” in his statement: “I sincerely regret if what I said caused anyone to misunderstand my true feelings”.
Forgiveness is possible if the art of apology is practiced correctly. Many of us use the “if” in our apologies. Discuss this in class and challenge members to truly apologize for their offenses. That will lead to “accepting individual responsibility”.
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